A Growing Fear

What comes to mind when you hear the fear of the Lord or the fear of man? Over the Summer, several women from our church went through the book, "When People are Big and God is Small," by Edward T. Welch. It was fantastic, and my Husband and I would highly recommend it! I used to think the fear of the Lord was an awareness that God had the potential to send me to hell, and that I had to behave a certain way, or I would upset Him. Quoting from Luther, "He who sees God as angry does not see him rightly but looks only on a curtain, as if a dark cloud had been drawn across his face" (196). This book, in tandem with the Holy Spirit, study of the Word and being under faithful preaching, are properly growing our fear of the Lord and exposing our fear of man - we pray the same is true for you. 

The book opens up with: "Thank you for joining me on this walk through a struggle that we all share. We spend so much time wondering what people think about us (11). Welch goes on to share, "When I was first married...I needed love from her [his wife]...I needed unconditional love...I had mutated into a walking love tank. I was empty and looking to another person to fill me...I was a love tank with a leak" (15). "...people are our idol of choice...because we perceive they have the power to give us something" (42-43). I really appreciate the writer's vulnerability, because it reminds me I am not alone in this struggle. It is grace and love from God, to expose such tendencies. 

Another aspect of "fear of x" is worship. Reading through the Old Testament about idols, I would think to myself I do not and will not worship idols. Poor Israelites... It has only been more recently that the Lord has been uncovering how easy and subtle it is to make people big and God small. Welch goes on to add: "We never expect that using people to meet our desires leaves us enslaved to them" (44). "When feelings become more important than the words of God and our response of faith, people become more important because they have great power over how we feel, and God becomes less important" (69). Our closest friends and loved ones can become means to ends. This is made plain when we cannot bare the thought of living without, are devastated by a loss or undone when they do not X-Y-or-Z. 

As my Husband and I are growing from making each other big, this book has helped me reflect on how God is being made bigger through His word/gospel. The author states: "...a knowledge of God's love is essential to reverential fear...knowing God the creator...witnessing God as redeemer" (92). I will never forget during one of our counseling meetings, the pastors shared how I needed to fix my eyes and thoughts on God's love and His demeanor toward me. Welch explains: "The gospel is the story of God's covering his naked enemies, bringing them to the wedding feast, and then marrying them rather than crushing them" (31). "...the entire Bible is a textbook on the fear of the Lord..." (87). 

As we see Him rightly, we also see ourselves rightly. "If we think we are usually good, then God is usually irrelevant" (85). In the flesh: "...my lusts, by their very nature, can't be filled. Nothing is enough" (131). Something good like a godly spouse, love, or children, can morph into demands and sin when not met. "The main reason why there is an epidemic of emptiness is that we, not God, have created and multiplied our needs" (132). "Only after we gain a right understanding of God can we begin to ask, 'Who is the human person?'" (135). "...we are empty, humble, needy vessels. We are empty cups. We have a spiritual need for forgiveness...Our emptiness says, 'I need Jesus.' It is an emptiness that needs God's love and only God's love" (149). "The good news of Jesus is not intended to make us feel good about ourselves. Instead, the good news humbles us and makes us new" (128). 

So if you, like us, are tempted to fear or elevate people over the Lord, remember the gospel! "1. The shamed are covered. 2. The rejected are accepted. 3. The threatened are comforted...Through the Spirit, he gives us the greatest [needed] gift we could ever have. He gives us himself" (156). Speaking of his own faith journey, Ed states, "The path away from the fear of man was the path of confession of sin and repentance" (207). His love knows no bounds: 'He died for us when we were helpless sinners' (Romans 5:6, 8). "God's love is a costly love. It never takes the easy path away from relationships. Instead, it plots how to move toward other people...the path of God's love is a path that leaves us overflowing. Our cup cannot contain what God bestows on us" (157).

Praise Reports:

1. Husband started up with over 50 men in our church's 3-year men's bible training (MBT), and he has the privilege of co-leading a small group (that includes Jacob :) and helping with administration;
2. Husband and I were able to make it to the beach with Ama - it was such a beautiful and restful day; 
3. We also got to go to a baseball game with Zach (a belated May birthday celebration); 
4. We got to celebrate my mom and Jacob's birthdays; and
5. We were able to get Ama in with her primary and already received a few referrals and lab appointments.

  

Prayer Requests (the Lord's will in all):

1. Wisdom, endurance & to walk in the Spirit; 
2. On October 21, I am scheduled to return to the office 3-days/week; we are looking into different options to fill the care gap with Ama;
3. November 7 is my first time leading/teaching for Women's Bible Study (Matthew 5:33-42);
4. My husband and his brothers are in process of getting legal matters in order for Ama;
5. Witnessing and discipleship opportunities; and
6. Jacob & Zachary to bear consistent/genuine fruit of salvation.