Three Suggestions for Friendship & Romance

Recently, Husband and I had the privilege of attending a wedding of a God-fearing woman and man, and it was such a blessing. I also had the opportunity to share a devotional at her bridal shower, and we want to share it with you to encourage you in your relationships. 

Before I start, I want to get a show of hands. How many of you are married? Single? Single that want to be married? Single that want to be single? Today I want to share about two popular topics: friendship and romance. I am a friend of "Jane." I assume you are too :D She and I met on a bus in September 2019 on our way to serve at a church youth camp. Probably the same as you, I fell in love with her quickly. But our meeting was short lived, because our paths changed, and we lacked opportunity to develop a friendship. Fast forward to January 2022, I saw her at my church, and I knew I knew her, but it took some time to remember how. We set a coffee date, and have been developing our friendship ever since.

Upon thinking about today and what to share, I found myself asking, what is it about engagements, bridal showers and weddings that we get so excited about? My favorite place to learn about anything is in the word of God. My second place to learn is from those wiser than me. How many of you have heard of the Jewish King: Solomon? What comes to mind when you think of him? Two things that seem like opposites are that the Bible says he was the wisest man that ever lived, and he had an insatiable sexual appetite for women. 

By God's grace, my husband and I have been married a little over 9 years. We recently read through the Song of Songs. It is also known as the Song of Solomon. Have you read it or heard about it? If not, that is ok. It was written by King Solomon. Think of the title as saying it is the best of the best. According to a basic web search, top love songs include: I will always Love You, My Endless Love and At Last. The "song" we are considering today can be confusing as it switches back and forth between characters quickly. I listened to a message by Pastor Sinclair Ferguson, and he helped me understand that this passage is like an opera. It is a very dramatic story. Part of the drama is that we can hear thoughts that would normally be unspoken. The three main characters are the Shulamite woman and her beloved and King Solomon who poses a threat to their betrothal and marriage.

In the Song of Songs, we find phrases from the Shulamite woman about the Beloved: "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for your love is better than wine. A bundle of myrrh is my beloved to me, that lies all night between my breasts. Behold, you are handsome, my beloved! Yes, pleasant! (1:2, 13, 16). Like an apple tree among the trees of the woods, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down in his shade with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. My beloved is mine, and I am his (2:3, 16). When I found the one I love, I held him and would not let him go (3:4)." For those that are married, would you like to think about your husband like this? I know I would.

We find these phrases from the Beloved about the Shulamite woman: "Behold, you are fair, my love! Behold, you are fair! You have dove's eyes behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats, going down from Mount Gilead. Your lips are like a strand of scarlet, and your mouth is lovely. You are all fair my love, and there is no spot in you. You have ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; you have ravished my heart with one look of your eyes...how fair is your love, my sister, my spouse! How much better than wine is your love, and the scent of your perfumes than all spices (4:1, 3, 7, 9-10). For those of us that are married or desire to be, who would want their husband to speak to or about us like this?

When my husband and I read this part of the Bible together, we giggle and tease each other. But the romance aside, there are two important phrases that stand out from the others. In chapter 5 verse 16, the Shulamite woman says: "His mouth is most sweet, yes, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend." In 6:9, the Beloved says: "My dove, my perfect one, is the only one." Even with much temptation by a rich and powerful king, the Shulamite woman cherishes not only the romance but also the friendship in her husband. The Beloved clues us in to developing this kind of intimacy within the boundaries of exclusivity. 

Like many movies, one would assume the common girl marries the king, becomes a queen and the two of them live happily ever after, right? Yet the king does not end up with the Shulamite woman. The Shulamite woman and the Beloved end up marrying, though their relationship was not without testing. We are excited for "Jane and John" in this season of friendship and romance, because we want them to have a happy ending. But we cannot deny there will be disappointment, suffering and they will fail one another. We all fail one another, whether we are married or single. Of greater concern, we fail God. We are in desperate need of help from ourselves. 

Thankfully, in the book of John chapter 15 verse 13, Jesus says: "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends." In contrast, Romans 5:6, 8 lets us know what kind of friends He died for, "For while we were still helpless, at the right time, Christ died for the ungodly...God demonstrates His own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." When you look to the cross, do you see the depth of your sin and the depth of God's love for you? The Father sent His son to die for us when we were hopeless sinners, not worthy saints. A Christian is not someone who obeys certain rules or whose good deeds outweighs their bad deeds. Even one deed against a holy God is deserving of eternal punishment. A Christian is someone who is forgiven and reconciled to God through the Son and, in spite of their best efforts, will continue struggling with sin.  

Where then is our hope for friendship and romance? I have 3 suggestions for friendship and romance. 1. Believe God sent his Son to give His very life to make broken men and women whole in Christ. Only by receiving His love can our deepest need and longing for friendship and romance be satisfied. 2. Draw near to Him and others, as Jesus drew near to us, though they hurt us or fail to meet our expectations for friendship and romance. 3. Remind yourself and one another of God's perfect love every day. He is the one who when we find Him, we should cling to, take delight in and say He is altogether fair, He is my friend and there is no other that can be compared. A spouse or friend cannot satisfy this longing...at least not for long. They will inevitably disappoint us, and we will inevitably disappoint them. Only God is the perfect friend and lover. He will never let us down. May the Holy Spirit help you, "Jane," and each of us to know and be satisfied in Him more fully, so we can see and treat our friends and/or spouse like He does. 

Praise Reports:

1. Husband and I had the privilege of hosting a niece who is like a daughter to my mother-in-law, for her birthday, and we all got to go to church together; 
2. He and I continue weekly date nights; 
3. Husband and my mother-in-law had the privilege to travel to Mexico city to visit family; and
4. I was able to plan a wedding for a dear friend and sister in Christ.

 

Prayer Requests (the Lord's will in all):

1. Wisdom, endurance & to walk in the Spirit, especially while working full-time from home and caring for my mother-in-law;
2. An opening for a physical for my mother-in-law for overall health/to re-evaluate her dementia;
3. Witnessing and discipleship opportunities; and
4. Jacob & Zachary to bear consistent/genuine fruit of salvation.