Back To School Confession

Happy August beloved! This month, Zachary started 11th grade; Jacob is about to start band camp and his second year of college; Husband begins the Training Center (bible training) on August 30; and it feels like I am back in high-school, because I have been experiencing anxiety (more below). Also, Rick and I continue praying about, planning and asking our church to support a potential visit to Rome in January 2022 to: 1) attend a bible training conference, 2) visit the Italian Theological Academy (ITA), a biblical training center we are exploring for a long-term place to serve (click ITA for more info) and 3) meet others serving the Lord, in the region. We request your faithful prayers for these items (and others below). 

[Asking the Question] In May of this year, I spoke with a sister about my ongoing health challenge with allergies, fatigue and insomnia. In June, she called me on the phone and asked, 'Is it anxiety?' Quickly, I said no - I had that before as a (lost) teenager. A third time, earlier this month, I met up with her, and we talked about different things. A few days later, Friday, I was listening to some old CDs from a mommies conference I went to, and one segment was, "Trusting the Lord with your children" - fear, worry and anxiety. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and pleading with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus," (Philippians 4:6-7). When the speaker described the physical effects of such worrying and asked questions, I was convicted and began to confess. I am so thankful for the leading of the Holy Spirit to compel both sisters to speak the hard truth in love.

 

[Confession] This is hard to admit, because of how much I know the word and am in prayer. I love the Lord more than I ever have and desire to obey Him and build His kingdom first in all things. And yet, I am struggling with this particular sin I believed to be in my past. I lay out my sin at the foot of the cross and my all-knowing, gracious and long-suffering Father, asking Him to crucify my rebellious flesh. 

[Prayer] The Lord God omnipotent reigns. Good. Kind. Merciful. Infinite. Sovereign. You can heal my mind and body in an instant, but your plan and timing are perfect. Create in me a new heart and right spirit. Would you remove this thorn, or teach me that your grace is sufficient? Please, take my wandering thoughts captive. Purify my perspective. No good thing will you withhold - show me this is good. Speak to me, and may I heed your voice. Instead of being quick to recount personal hurt, may I extend mercy and be thankful - I am fully healed by the blood of the Lamb, fully forgiven, righteous and one with the Son - seeing disappointments as opportunities to incarnate the Beloved. Nothing can separate me from your love, oh God, and my soul is at peace with You. At death, straight to my Father I will go. I want to fully delight myself in Yahweh and grieve my sin. Sufficiency is only in You. Allow me to gaze into your face, behold You upon the cross and see all I have and need is in You. You alone are all I desire to desire. Keep me desperately needy. You are my good shepherd - teach me the comfort in your rod and staff. I am exceedingly abundantly provided for. Show me all I have in Christ. You are the way, truth and life and way to my Father. Usher me boldly to your throne-room of grace. You are the same yesterday, today and forever. Help my unbelief. You are faithful and just to forgive me of all my sin and unrighteousness. You who began the good work in me will complete it until the day of Christ Jesus - may I not disdain the path. You know the way I take, and I will come forth as gold. Chosen to walk in good works prepared before the world's foundation - cast off these weights that so easily ensnare. The fight is not against flesh and blood, and the battle has already been won. I stand in Jesus' victory. Your suffering was not in vain, and neither is mine - use it to conform me and glorify Yourself. My help comes from You, my Lord. Give me a perfect love, and cast away all my fear.

[Blessed Hope] I know I am not alone battling sin, since we are called to take up our cross daily. The very fact that worry, fear and anxiety (among all kinds of sin) are discussed in scripture, is because believers are tempted in this life. If we look to the cross, it is futile to "hide" our sin - everyone is a sinner, and none are righteous. Yet we do not continue sinning willingly, despair or become hopeless. We hope more! On our best and worst days (even if we have more of these...a lot more), "He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we did in righteousness [hallelujah!], but in accordance with His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit" (Titus 3:5). May we not be tempted to cover our shortcomings. Let us confess our sin to one another and cast ourselves upon Christ, bear one another's burdens and rest our hope fully on the grace to be brought to us.

Praise Reports:

1. 8/11 Husband and I (with our missions support group) had dinner with a missionary family returning to Canada from their furlough
2. 8/15 a sister in Christ was baptized 
3. Ability to attend 1 wedding (Pam & Daniel Miller) and 1 memorial service (Teresa Walker)
4. Jacob has lived in our home for a year

Prayer Requests (the Lord's will in all):

1. Continued direction/balance with ministry (+ faith, patience, wisdom & obedience), especially as Husband starts bible training August 30
2. Faithfulness in our current season
3. Unity in marriage & family 
4. Physical healing for me & our ability to conceive
5. Continued provision &/or direction for me with work (taking a test with the Riverside Unified School District on 8/30 for a career center position)
6. Zachary's salvation
7. The Italian Theological Academy's "Shepherd's Conference" in Rome, January 2022 - how we can support & attending