Still Waiting for Your Perfect Gift (Spouse)?

Have you ever heard the question: just wait until you have kids or you’re married? I have yet to hear these in positive contexts. Mainly, it’s been a discouragement. And most often, it’s been followed up with, your life will be over.

Not too long, but my husband and I are going on four years of marriage, and my life is not over (but my life as I know it could have been – more below). The contrary, my life is new! Our bond is stronger than ever, and I am beyond thankful I waited to marry Rick Valadez.

Going back to when I was 20 years old, I was dating this man, and I did what I swore as a "Christian woman" I would never do while dating. I had sex before marriage. You see, I accepted as fact that Jesus was born and came to die to forgive me of my sins (much like a fire insurance policy) and make me morally good and blessed. But, while I thought I was forgiven of my sins, I continued walking in and towards them. I was ready to walk down the aisle with him, but almost four years in, he broke up with me, and I was devastated.

This is when I believe the Holy Spirit opened my eyes, showed me how impossible of a problem my sin was and humbled me to my knees for rescue. Yes, I had prayed on my knees before, physically, but not in spirit and in truth. I think this was when I was fully surrendered to God. (Do I still make mistakes? You bet! But I do my best to live a life like Jesus, and I acknowledge I am broken and need God’s enabling and power to help). In this prostration, I made a promise that I would live for the Lord, including a future romantic relationship: I would wait until marriage to have sex and allow God to select my husband for me. Sound bizarre? Keep reading!

While I continued praying for the gentleman from my past, I prayed that, if his heart didn’t change, God would change my heart. Because while we were together, I got caught up believing lies: I would never find someone that loved/knew me like he did; that I would be unable to love someone the same way I did him; and that I would end up alone.  There were times I wanted to call, text, email and drive by with the desire to restore our relationship. But God gave me strength, and little by little, my heart changed. It was also during this season that I joined a women’s bible study, and I made friends with women that prayed with and encouraged me through one of the darkest, most heart wrenching years of my life.

The man and I remained friends, and one year later he was ready to reconcile. At that point, I was resolved and would not relent. After one more year of being friends, I remember talking to a pastor about this season in my life, and he shared, ‘Every good and perfect gift is from God.’ (James 1:17).  ‘Every gift that is not good and perfect…you know where those come from,’ he added. This was eye opening. Another friend from study also boldly shared, ‘God can’t put something else in your hand if it’s full.’ This was when God became my first love, my everything-waiting for his best. About one month later, God brought me not only one but three good and perfect gifts, while volunteering with children's ministry at our church - my husband, Rick, and two sons, Jacob and Zachary.

From day one, Rick and I were looking for the same thing: to date with the intention of marrying, in accordance with the bible. And we’ve prayed together almost everyday since. Here’s the thing, God made you and me uniquely, and he knows what makes us tick – in a good or bad way. Are you growing impatient thinking God may have forgotten and that you need to take matters into your own hands to work it out? When I was in the 9^th grade, my health teacher had us write a list of qualities we were looking for in a spouse, and, yes, I saved mine. After getting out of my last relationship, I revised it, and I got detailed. Once Rick and I were in the relationship I thought to go back and look – would you believe me if I told you he satisfied every bullet, 2-columned, single-spaced, size 12-font? My life would not be what it is, and I would not be the woman I am, if I had not waited for what was good and perfect for me; this is a work only God can do. If you feel like I did, it is never too late to stop, confess and seek God’s help to make things right. God is in the restoring business and ‘makes all things new (starting with our heart)’ (2 Corinthians 5:17). My life and marriage are walking proof. My prayer is that you would wait for the perfect gift(s) God has just for you, including Himself!